We’ve all heard phrases such as “no man is an island” and “it never hurts to ask”, yet many of us still avoid reaching out for help at work out of fear of looking incompetent. Despite understanding that it’s unrealistic for any one person to know everything in any situation, we can convince ourselves that we should, and are embarrassed when we don’t. There’s a common misconception that asking questions, especially in professional environments, is a sign of weakness. But the truth is that the most successful people are the ones who regularly seek out support, guidance and clarity.
As I’ve shared in my new book, Mindset Matters, forging connections and creating a strong network from which we can seek support is also an essential aspect of building resilience – the ability to recover and grow from adversity. 2012 study of Olympic champions found that perceived social support was positively related to high levels of resilience, and a 2016 study of firefighters highlighted that it improved both resilience and health. A study looking at resilience in entrepreneurs found that “resilience resourcefulness” – whereby individuals draw on their skills and support from those around them in challenging situations – is one of the most significant predictors of entrepreneurial success. Resilient people report feeling more in control when dealing with obstacles, are more comfortable navigating change, and tackle challenges head-on rather than avoiding difficult situations. As the challenges we face in the workplace become more frequent and complex, focusing on resilience is an essential part of our toolkit if we want to not only survive, but thrive at work.
For companies and leaders, putting structures in place to promote socially-supporting environments – whether that be peer, managerial or personal support – is one of the most simple and effective ways to create a culture of resilience and enhance team resilience overall. Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce, has strived to build his business around the Hawaiian concept of “Ohana” – the idea that families (whether by blood or chosen) are bound together and responsible for each other. An example of this is the company’s internal discussion group, “Who should I talk to?” which lets employees ask questions and find the right person to bring something to, making it easier to connect those who would benefit from speaking to each other.
Efforts like these aim to create cultures where employees can feel comfortable asking questions and reaching out for help. This has become increasingly important post-pandemic when many workplaces are hybrid or fully remote. According to a study from 2020, people working at companies that have a “connected culture” are twice as likely to be productive working from home or anywhere else than those who don’t.
Here are a few tips on asking for help at work:
Instead of feeling silly for asking a question, view the process of asking for help as an asset and a prerequisite for success instead of failing. Of course, you don’t know everything; and the more you ask, the quicker you’ll learn. Asking for help will allow you to gain varying insights, generating fresh perspectives on how to solve problems you might never have come up with otherwise. As I shared in a coaching video on Instagram today, it will also help foster relationships. Most people enjoy helping others, and asking for help shows the other person you consider them to be competent and value their input, which helps build trust. You can check out my coaching video here:
Although there are no stupid questions, it’s unnecessary to take up someone’s time if you can find the answer easily yourself. Before you reach out, confirm that what you’re looking for hasn’t been shared with you already, can’t be found somewhere very obvious, or isn’t easily accessible via a quick Google search. If you can’t find it online, in your inbox, or saved in a shared folder, you can feel confident that your question is worth asking.
Before seeking support, ask yourself who the right person to ask is and when would be the best opportunity to approach them. If you know you might have many questions and they’re not highly time-sensitive, consider waiting until you’ve compiled several and asking them all at the same time.
How you frame your questions is also important. Provide context, and explain why you’re asking. If relevant, show that you’ve made an effort to find the answer yourself first. Make sure that you’re asking your questions to lead to understanding and growth. For example, if you’re seeking feedback, you could ask: “How can I do this even better?” instead of “What did I do wrong?”.
Finally, show gratitude for someone taking the time to help you. Gestures of appreciation, even if it’s just as simple as expressing thanks, make it more likely people will want to help you in the future.
Do you have any advice for others struggling to ask for help in their careers? Please feel free to share your advice or stories of asking for help in the comments.
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